I am writing this weekend about my dad, because of Father's Day Weekend. I was 18 years old when he died suddenly inside our home with a heart attack. A man in his early 50's and that's not old. I had so many tears and would stand on our porch waiting for him to drive home. Older people would tell me that it would be better as time goes by. I am older now and I believe it gets easier at some point, but hard again.
I don't think you ever get over loosing a loved one, but you learn to deal with it. It took months of anger because I could begin again. The joy of even smiling or having a good time wasn't in my life. The joy of wanting to talk to someone else and not stay locked up inside. So much change for a 18 year old girl, but a bigger change for my mom. Down deep inside, I knew she needed God, but that wasn't for me. Little did I know that God was on my side too.
Psalm 30:11-12 Amplified Bible (AMP)
You have turned my mourning into dancing for me;
You have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
Nehemiah 8:10 New International Version (NIV)
Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
MOURNING ~ The dictionary says, mourning Is the sorrow of someone who died.
After death, we learn to deal with a new normal. My dad has been in Heaven for 44 years now. Sometimes on a Saturday morning, if I hear a loud noise around 10am, my heart beats so fast. It brings back a morning that change my life forever. I then must shake it off and realize that day is gone or is it? We can replay things my friends and things come rushing back into our minds before we know it. It is a reminder of yesterdays that flows into today. I am not saying forget your loved one or the person you miss so greatly, but deal with it in a heathy way. Talking to someone totally helps and trusting God again.
I look back to see that my mom was in her early 40's and never married again. She never quite moved from the mourning stage to living again. She would be tell me she felt alone and she had no one. A 18 year old girl didn't quite get that because I was there. Now I understand far more than younger years. I just know you can't stop living and you must pursue joy again. It might never go away inside your brain, but a new beginning happens to each of us at some point. People die and we grieve. People leave us and a new normal begins. God never leaves us even if we feel mad at him.
Psalm 48:14 New International Version (NIV)14 For this God is our God for ever and ever;
he will be our guide even to the end.
Father's Day Weekend brings tears to me, but I know that God has a plan. A time for each of us to be born and a time for each of us to die. My dad and I just live in different places now. His example stands out to be of a man who did his best and doing what he felt was right. I don't know the depth of his life, but I know what he meant to me. I count blessings of the 18 years he was in my life and cherish moments for sure. He taught me to drive and told me the importance of taking a typing class. I might not be typing you now if I hadn't listen to him. He said typing with a great tool and that was over 44 years ago. That tool I learned and I am with words to you now.
I write you because I care and I never want to see anyone stop living because of their loss. There are other people in our lives who need us to become stronger. Who need us to lead a way of hope, strength and encouragement. You and I were put on earth of a purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 A plan, A promise and A future.
My heart goes out to those who miss their dads. Whether they knew him or not, it's still their father. My heart goes out to single dad's who do it alone, single mom's who are both mom/dad, families who loss their dad's, children who don't know their dad, dad's who work hard to supply of their families, adults that care for aging parents and the list goes on. There is always a story in someone's life about their Father. Let us pray for those who hurt on this weekend celebrations of Fathers.
I am glad your were born and reading this now. God has a plan for your life and I want to encourage you to see the blessings in your life. Often times we get stuck in things we don't have in life and miss our on some precious moments we do have in life. Once again, I am not saying it's easy to move forward but a must. Life continues and we have a choice to become a better person or bitter. Tears are here as i write you because missing anyone is crazy hard. Look around you today, see the things God has given you. The joy of the Lord can become our strength through each day.
I will write more tomorrow and thank you of sharing my journey with my dad. My prayers continue for you, your family and friends.