I woke up crying this morning. It was 44 years ago today that my dad died suddenly in our bathroom at home. The image becomes fresh in my mind, tears come and I hear my mom screaming as the door was locked. She said, "go get our neighbor Tom and call 911. Tom was get the door open and the fire department would arrive fast. My dad would be put into the ambulance and when we got to the hospital, we were taken to a tiny room to wait. The doctor would come in and tell us he had died. My aunt would squeeze my hand so tight and we would go see him. I never saw a dead person before and it being my dad was crazy hard. It feels like today and it was 10am that it all began so many years ago. Time moves forward, but grieving still happens.
Psalm 121 A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains--
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you--
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
GRIEVING ~ God puts people into our paths of life for purpose. My neighbor Tom became a hero in my heart because he came so fast and did his best. People will tell you that time makes things better and even easier. I'm telling that you grieving can happen at any moment of life. We are the ones left behind on earth and our loved ones reached their goal. Learning to deal with grief and new normals happen to us. My new normal at 18 took time for me to breath and deal with it. It seemed like I hurt more each day of life. Things weren't getting better but worse for me. As my mom continued to cry and want to die at the early age of 40's, I became a nervous wreck. Life would press forward and I knew I needed to get her help. Her best friend would stop being her best friend because she couldn't deal with my mom's grieving process. So I stepped in and did my best but I honestly didn't know how myself. There was no help me for so it seemed. I locked myself up inside and keep my own feelings quiet.
I'm writing this today because grief is real. I'm starting to unlock part of my life that I never shared with anyone. Just a kid wanting a friend and wanting my dad back. I stood on the porch and waiting for him to come home from work at night. He never turned the corner, but it was my only way out of the house of tears. Keeping it real today, as I write I am feeling those same feelings again. It's like it stirs the waters of life and over 44 years to be real like this is crazy today. It's became the mind and the heart flow together.
Psalm 34:18 New International Version (NIV)
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
The year was 1973 and life has changed so much to 2017. I didn't know God at the age of 18 in my own heart. I was angry and learned to deal with things alone. That's another day and another story to share with you later. I did allow God to come into my heart and change me little by little. Over the years of young to older I know to deal with grief is a process and it does take time. It's our new normals of life and it's hard. I care and my prayers continue for those to read my blog, your family and friends. Purpose this a good day and turn your thoughts over to God. Allow a new day to bring new joy to your heart while dealing with your now. I care!
~ Sparkie
Psalm 121 A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains--
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you--
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
GRIEVING ~ God puts people into our paths of life for purpose. My neighbor Tom became a hero in my heart because he came so fast and did his best. People will tell you that time makes things better and even easier. I'm telling that you grieving can happen at any moment of life. We are the ones left behind on earth and our loved ones reached their goal. Learning to deal with grief and new normals happen to us. My new normal at 18 took time for me to breath and deal with it. It seemed like I hurt more each day of life. Things weren't getting better but worse for me. As my mom continued to cry and want to die at the early age of 40's, I became a nervous wreck. Life would press forward and I knew I needed to get her help. Her best friend would stop being her best friend because she couldn't deal with my mom's grieving process. So I stepped in and did my best but I honestly didn't know how myself. There was no help me for so it seemed. I locked myself up inside and keep my own feelings quiet.
I'm writing this today because grief is real. I'm starting to unlock part of my life that I never shared with anyone. Just a kid wanting a friend and wanting my dad back. I stood on the porch and waiting for him to come home from work at night. He never turned the corner, but it was my only way out of the house of tears. Keeping it real today, as I write I am feeling those same feelings again. It's like it stirs the waters of life and over 44 years to be real like this is crazy today. It's became the mind and the heart flow together.
Psalm 34:18 New International Version (NIV)
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
The year was 1973 and life has changed so much to 2017. I didn't know God at the age of 18 in my own heart. I was angry and learned to deal with things alone. That's another day and another story to share with you later. I did allow God to come into my heart and change me little by little. Over the years of young to older I know to deal with grief is a process and it does take time. It's our new normals of life and it's hard. I care and my prayers continue for those to read my blog, your family and friends. Purpose this a good day and turn your thoughts over to God. Allow a new day to bring new joy to your heart while dealing with your now. I care!
~ Sparkie
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