I want to share a blog I wrote in 2017 on Father's Day about my dad:
A day with a title holds mixed emotions. Some are very excited today, some are very sad and some are even angry they had the father they did. Some just want to be Father's in this life. I want to share a true story about my dad and church. Hold on because it's filled with emotions and hard for me to write.
My dad (Ed) died when I was 18 years old. I had just graduated high school and excited about College. Little did I know that less than a month after that, my dad would be gone. He was the first person I ever saw dead and I felt so lost. He died inside our home with a sudden heart attack in his early 50's. I must write about him today, because he was such a great man. He served our country in World War II, he provided for our family, loved from the middle of his heart and loved God with all his heart.
Growing up, he didn't go to church at a kid, but believed there was a God. My dad was in his early 50's and would experience God in a new way. Church became a big part of his life and he wanted to know more about this man called Jesus. Keep in mind, that I did not go to church then and couldn't quite understand the craziness of the late 1960's to early 1970's movement in churches. A visiting preacher would come by the church and say this: IF you really loved God, you will give up medication. WHAT? I didn't know this preacher said this, until after my dad died. My dad was young in learning about God and thought this preacher was right. This was not a wise choice and he suddenly had a heart attack after stopping his shots for diabetes. I became very angry at the church people. Keep in mind, I compared all people who went to church, but this was only a small church of people. Tears are following now, so stay with me okay. The visiting preacher was not right, but my dad should have used wisdom. My dad made the wrong choice, the preacher was wrong, but we each need to make wise decisions in life.
NEVER STOP TAKING MEDICATION YOU NEED ~ PROMISE ME THIS!
My dad was a wise man, but not when it came to that decision. He loved God with all his heart and I knew it. God wants us to use wisdom when we need medication. I felt to share his story today on Father's Day and know that I believe my dad did what he thought was right at the time. My mom would be angry at God and I believed there was no God at that point. My mom would lay on our couch and scream to die. My brother was 5 years old than me and neither one of us knew what to do. At times, I can still see her in the pain of a broken heart and anger that filled her soul. WHY GOD ~ WHY GOD ~ WHY GOD kept getting louder as my brother and I tried to sleep. No rest inside our home and a door of the bathroom that remained closed. I will never forget what I saw that day and how the door was locked. Our neighbor Tom, came running over to break in the door. It was too late for my dad, but I saw another man run to his rescue to help and I will always be grateful to Tom. A hero in my heart.
CHURCH ~ 18 years old and not a fan.
I never wanted to walk inside that church again. Months would go by and my mom would remain the same. I would drive her to a counselor to talk, but she would only come out in tears. I would drive her to the cemetery to sit for hours by his grave. I would see more tears than ever and inside it was killing me. I would end up in emergency and the doctor would tell my aunt I needed a life change. Not sure what that life change was, but my nerves were done. Not quite what I thought my life would be like after graduation.
MY FATHER WAS GONE ~ people would tell me about God who was a father.
How could a God who loved me, take my dad away? That's the big question and my 18 year old brain couldn't get it. Until one day, I thought if I take my mom back to church maybe she would stop crying. Crazy thought and she said okay. It didn't really help my mom but read what happens. A girl about 25, was teaching a class there. Speaking on how her father died when she was 18 and the anger that filled her. She had asked God to let him be okay and he died. How could he be okay and die? The answer came to her as God opened up the word okay to her. Her dad was okay and now lived in Heaven. As she continued her story, I started crying because it felt like my story. My dad was okay and I knew he lived in heaven. Now I needed to take care of me and do my best for my mom. My life changed that day I went to church.
Mark 12:30 New International Version (NIV)
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
Along the way of life, I started a desire to know God. My anger had to go and my view point needed to change. It didn't happen over night or even in one year. It was a process and continues to be a process in my brain. I dislike that my dad did not walk me down the isle of marriage, hold his first born grandchild and second born grandchild or even how his great grandchildren. Yet, I can talk about him to them of how he serve our country, our family and did his best daily to do the right thing in life. His kindness, his heart for Jesus and his example carries on through my life. His military flag holds proud for my family and his christian example.
On this Father's Day, I thank God for you who read this and want to know me a little more. I write a little of me each day in my blog. Pain happens to each of us, our example matters and only God can restore. I'm not who I used to be in life and I continue to change daily. Growing into a better person and not bitter. Life is too short and we just never know what can happen in one day. Giving thanks to who God has put into my life and guiding me daily. I would ask that you find a healthy church and begin again if you need that today. My prayers continue for you, your family and friends.
Happy Father's Day family and friends. God has connected us through this blog for a purpose. My prayers continue for you, your family and friends. I care and that's why I write. There is hope in this new day and peace beyond measure. Make good choices and live in today. God bless each of you. I miss my dad, my mom and brother who live in heaven now. Each of their examples have taught me something as well. My brother (Ronnie) died at 37 on Christmas morning with cancer. He taught me to live as if today was my last day but plan for tomorrow. I love you family and friends.